Thoughts

Well I have been thinking again, I need to evaluate so much at the moment that I am worried my brain is going to fry, some things I want to remain similar to what they are at this time mean I have to change my hopes and ideals.

This isn't going to be easy, as my ideals are what have got me through this period of turbulence in my life. It's now time to look at modifying some of what I believe and being able to accept it is a change which I am doing for my good, not as it might seem for others.

I have so much of what I want in my life in my friendships that it leaves little room for someone to come into my life and take the whole package, I have love, I have care, I have understanding, I have empathy and I have guides and listeners. I have children, that are as close to me as children who would have been from a partner had I produced any. I have friends as close to me as lovers but are not lovers. I don't think there is room for much more. Where I am struggling is I miss the feeling of physical closeness, the bonding of lovers, yes yes both wonderful ways of saying I miss sex.

The thing is I am as I have said before not one for empty shallow sex. I have to find some way to get that need fulfilled and I am honestly not sure how to do it. My friends who I am close to are taken or romantically not my type. I don't want a relationship which damages what I have with them either, as I think me disappearing whilst would be understood would hurt them almost as much as it would hurt me. So I have to find some way to find sex with meaning and love but not committed to a relationship beyond the physical that far that will allow me the freedom to be me. It's going to be difficult to say the very least, but we shall see.