And can we break the pattern? I don't believe we can, talking from a personal point of view. Many years ago when I started my training as a counsellor I was given an exercise to do. It told me something of my personality. It was part of transactional analysis studies. If any of my readers have ever read anything on the subject you won't be at all surprised to find that my personality type was a rescuer.
Now I am looking at my relationships, my friendships and my other close interactions as to understand me more so I can find my dreams and live them once again. In order to do this I have to understand me first.
What the hell as this got to do with the topic in the header I hear you ask? An awful lot, I look at my friends, my relationship history such as it is and I realise it is the same story every time. Each relationship I have had someone has seen me as a potential rescuer, whether it be conscious or not it still has happened. Am I likely to change the way I am and what attracts me? I guess not. I have been like this the whole of my life and short of electric shock therapy or other aversion therapy I can't see me finding a way to change. The thing with being a rescuer is that at the end of the rescue what happens? The person who was rescued walks one way and the rescuer walks the other.
So what are the things that the rescuer does. I am guilty at some point of doing each of them, but each of them is also something that makes a friend a friend. Ask yourself each of these and see what you think.
1. Is it hard for you to take time for yourself and have fun?
2. Do you supply words for someone else when she/he hesitates?
3. Do you set limits for yourself that you exceed?
4. Do you believe you are responsible for making (keeping) someone else happy?
5. Do you like to lend a shoulder for someone else to "cry" on?
6. Do you believe that the other person is not sufficiently grateful for your help?
7. Do you take care of someone else more than you take care of yourself?
8. Do you find yourself interrupting when someone else is talking?
9. Do you watch for clues for ways to be helpful to someone else?
10. Do you make excuses, open or mentally, for another person?
11. Do you do more than your share, that is, work harder than someone else does?
12. When someone else is unsure or uncomfortable about doing something, do you do it for him or her?
13. Do you NOT do things you would like because someone else wouldn't like your doing so?
14. Do you find yourself thinking that you really know what is best for someone else?
15. Do you think someone else would have grave difficulty getting along without you?
16. Do you use the word "we" and then find you don't have the other person's consent?
17. Do you stop yourself by thinking someone will feel badly if you say or do something?
18. Is it hard for you NOT to respond to anyone who seems to be hurting or needing help?
19. Do you find yourself being resented when you were only trying to be helpful?
20. Do you find yourself giving advice that is not welcome or accepted?
If you can answer more than a handful of these with a yes, you too are a rescuer.
Now I am looking at my relationships, my friendships and my other close interactions as to understand me more so I can find my dreams and live them once again. In order to do this I have to understand me first.
What the hell as this got to do with the topic in the header I hear you ask? An awful lot, I look at my friends, my relationship history such as it is and I realise it is the same story every time. Each relationship I have had someone has seen me as a potential rescuer, whether it be conscious or not it still has happened. Am I likely to change the way I am and what attracts me? I guess not. I have been like this the whole of my life and short of electric shock therapy or other aversion therapy I can't see me finding a way to change. The thing with being a rescuer is that at the end of the rescue what happens? The person who was rescued walks one way and the rescuer walks the other.
So what are the things that the rescuer does. I am guilty at some point of doing each of them, but each of them is also something that makes a friend a friend. Ask yourself each of these and see what you think.
1. Is it hard for you to take time for yourself and have fun?
2. Do you supply words for someone else when she/he hesitates?
3. Do you set limits for yourself that you exceed?
4. Do you believe you are responsible for making (keeping) someone else happy?
5. Do you like to lend a shoulder for someone else to "cry" on?
6. Do you believe that the other person is not sufficiently grateful for your help?
7. Do you take care of someone else more than you take care of yourself?
8. Do you find yourself interrupting when someone else is talking?
9. Do you watch for clues for ways to be helpful to someone else?
10. Do you make excuses, open or mentally, for another person?
11. Do you do more than your share, that is, work harder than someone else does?
12. When someone else is unsure or uncomfortable about doing something, do you do it for him or her?
13. Do you NOT do things you would like because someone else wouldn't like your doing so?
14. Do you find yourself thinking that you really know what is best for someone else?
15. Do you think someone else would have grave difficulty getting along without you?
16. Do you use the word "we" and then find you don't have the other person's consent?
17. Do you stop yourself by thinking someone will feel badly if you say or do something?
18. Is it hard for you NOT to respond to anyone who seems to be hurting or needing help?
19. Do you find yourself being resented when you were only trying to be helpful?
20. Do you find yourself giving advice that is not welcome or accepted?
If you can answer more than a handful of these with a yes, you too are a rescuer.
0 comments:
Post a Comment